Archive for November, 2005|Monthly archive page

Let The Fireworks Begin

Boiling Point
OK, I’m angry! OK, I’m not angry right now, which is probably good thing considering that I might write something that I’d later regret and end up having to apologize for. I was angry yesterday night after a First Day Third Show of Ilaya Thalapathy’s Diwali release ‘Sivakasi’. I have, in an earlier post, illustrated why, according to me, crappy movies are made. But this time, its personal. Its one thing to go for a stupid movie with family when you have nothing better to do, but its a whole new ballpark when you find yourself driving twenty miles out of the city, in a road full of assholes who think its not only cool to drink and drive but its too cool to drive while drinking(or the other way around if you must), pay 50 bucks for toll, 20 bucks for parking that’s 200 meters away from the building and find yourself waiting 30 minutes because of a show running late for a movie that smells like a 10 pound bag stuffed with 50 pounds of shit in a theatre that charges you 150 bucks for a ticket only to cut off the air conditioning half way through the movie. But all this would not be a problem had the movie been as bad as ‘Chandramukhi’ and the day you decided to treat yourself with a heap of rotting rubbish was not Diwali. My disillusioned and cynical-but-not-yet-bitter self has come to terms with reality, limitations of reason and the role illusions play in lifting the human shit- I meant human spit – no no I mean human spirit. And I told you I was angry yesterday!!!

It’s Just a Movie Right?
How offensive, crude, vulgar and non-sensical can a movie get? Watch ‘Sivakasi’ and you will get an idea as to how badly your estimation can go wrong. I will come out and say it! I don’t like Vijay whatever-his-last-name-is. But this is not about him or the movie. Forget that the story sucks, forget that the action sequences break every law of physics, forget that the dialogue and comedy are worse than any ‘Kadi’ joke you have ever heard and forget that every character in the movie is as close to reality as aliens paying us a visit. Lets forget all that. That’s part and parcel of entertainment, people get what they ask for. This ranting is also not about a few wasted bucks and time(though they add fuel to the fire). This is about the movie goers, the fans, the ‘thondargal’s. The people who want to watch these kinds of movies, cheer it, enjoy it and feel great after it.

First and foremost, what is this obsession Tamil movie goers have with this Iyyer or Iyyengar Atthu Ponnunga? No seriously!!! I spend most of my time with these ‘Brahmin’ girls and take it from me, they are not all that they are cracked up to be. Or is this some kind of forbidden fruit that all you Sc’s and Mbc’s and how many ever Non/Anti-OC castes that are out there want to taste??? Not content with taking all the seats in every freaking professional college this messed up education system offers and occupying every post in the institution that we try to pass as a Government, you guys are now casting your eyes on our ladies eh??? People, if getting it on with an Iyyer babe is your idea of a wild night out in the hay stack, just come out and say so. Cause then we can pass a bill for some kind of reservation. You know 69% of OC babes having to sleep with all you Anti/Non OC guys so that you don’t feel left out of all the fun in the sun.OC here has nothing to do with the Television Serial ‘The OC’, but Other Castes or as we fondly refer to as Out Casts.

A Class Apart
Secondly, why is every movie of Vijay whatever-his-last-name-is always about ‘High Class’ villains and ‘Low Class’ heroes. You know with the ‘Four legs good, two legs bad’ and ‘All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than other’ theme. ‘Low Class’ people are happier, hippier and whatever-more than ‘High Class’ people. Really??? That’s why half the songs in his movies are anglicised with ‘hey baby’s and ‘ooh mama’s(the mama here not being a mother but her brother). Maybe that’s why we find him dancing around in Ray Bans, Ralpf Lauren and Armani driving 350cc Yamahas that his ‘Low Class’ ass afforded him. Is that another illusion you ‘Low Class’ people entertain??? Wearing designer clothes, driving high-end motorbikes but staying simple and good at heart and giving philosophical insight to narrow minded, selfish, evil ‘High Class’ people and proving your righteousness by wooing away their ‘High Class’, rich bred, university educated, hot and horny but sensitive and moral babes for pure un-Adult-erated loving??? Wake up fuck-faces!!! You might want to give the whistlings and the cat callings a rest and take a long and hard look at the fuck-face staring back at you in the mirror. And by the way, who the fuck is ‘Low Class’ in a theatre that forces you to drive in your own vehicle and costs 150 bucks per head to enter??? So maybe ‘Low Class’ is not about money!!! It is probably about manner less, gutless, sexually repressed freaks trying to prove that they are not manner less, gutless and sexually repressed!!! Go get some free porn you stupid fucks!!!
And I said that I did not want to write something that I would later regret and end up having to apologize for!!!