Throwball

Yeah, yeah, Germany was fun and stuff. It’s been almost two years since my trip and you can all stop pretending to give a rat’s ass and I will just move on. A few weeks back I was blessed with the opportunity to ‘mediate’ over a game of Throwball at my colony. Mediate is a very carefully chosen word as that’s all one does in game where the two teams concerned are loaded with matriarchs who play judge and jury along with a little throwball on the side. I have known many a man who had his self-esteem disseminated in an attempt at fair play. So mediate was all I did. All the men who gathered around to watch the spectacle, and there were quite a few of them, wished me luck. Apparently it’s a lot of fun watching a member of their pride get torn to shreds before their eyes. Its one of those ‘externalizing the internal’ sort of a thing where what one goes through with one’s spouse/partner or sister or daughter is brought to them live. Something to do with closure I would assume. Most of them sported a sly smile, bearing an uncanny resemblance to the pleasure some get in watching the lamb to the slaughter.

Throwball is played on a court that pretty much resembles your badminton court- two boxes separated by a net in between. You would be forgiven to think that all there is to the game is a bunch of pretty little things throwing the ball at each other with the rally ending when the ball lands outside the court, or on the net, or in some cases is dropped. There’s much more to throwball than what meets common sense. Throwball is very much like your quintessential woman- a simple game complicated beyond comprehension for no reason. Did you know that ‘roll over the head’ has absolutely nothing to do with anything rolling over anyone’s head? Well except that you might end up having your head rolled over in case of one such event in the game. Roll over the head is a foul where the thrower (come on guys, cut me some slack here) rolls the ball while, well you guessed it, throwing. Since most of us are familiar with cricket, I found it impossible to believe that anyone could throw a ball without applying a spin, whereupon I was quickly put in my miserable little place by having it pointed out that the rolling could start after the ball left the hand and any rolling of the ball while it was still touching your hand was a ‘Roll Over the head’ foul. Flabbergasted? there’s more – tons more.

Throwball is full of these complex rules. Many of my predecessors made the grave mistake of questioning the motives (madness) behind such rules- an unpardonable act akin to querying why the toilet seat is to be placed up or down or on the mantelpiece or wherever (to date I cant remember what the deal is). Apart from being unfathomable, these rules are also unjudgable, for want of a better word. That, in my not so humble opinion, is the precise reason for these rules. Any and every call can and will be questioned and used against the referee as an excuse. An excuse to outpour the choicest of expletives, an excuse to question the functioning of his mental faculties and not to mention an excuse to make violent death threats. Throwball is like a women’s collective, where they hunt in packs, with the sole purpose being to remind men, in the most aggressive, ruthless and contemptuous manner, of our place in the social hierarchy. Which, for the ill informed, is far below them women.

In the end, I felt like I had just been through a paper mill. Alls well that ends well, I guess.

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10 comments so far

  1. tt_giant on

    I am still trying to force myself not to think figuratively about this throwball business.

    Seems like you get called for these judgings, mediations, and buddy, if you have been involved in a physical fight before, please do know that the mediator gets smashed for no apparent rhyme and reason. Futbol refrees’ situation, precisely.

    i am still trying to imagine if the event involved certain people, but I think, I think too much ;-)

  2. ///slash\\\ on

    @tt_giant
    “figur”atively? who me???

    w.r.t to the bashing- as long at they were cat fights you would not see me complaining:-))

    and yes the even did involve certain people-and had certain consequences for yours truly:-))

  3. Anonymous on

    Interesting line “Throwball is very much like your quintessential woman- a simple game complicated beyond comprehension for no reason”…
    So you think women are nothing but “game”? hmm …

    Dunbar.

  4. ///slash\\\ on

    @dunbar
    ‘So you think women are nothing but “game”?’

    Quite the opposite I assure you. What I meant was throwball while being a simple game is complicated way too much for no reason- kind of like women. Although, I have a feeling you would disagree.

  5. Anonymous on

    Poor Mediator! Probably it should be a 3 member Arbitration Panel subject to the Rules of UNCITRAL(United Nations Commission on International Trade Law) – the lady players appointing one out of the three, the countless men watching the throwball game trying to look young with a good potential to become the “aggrieved party” appointing the second and the helpless Mediator(the hunt in pack target) appointing the third(changing the UNCITRAL convention of the two arbitrators appointing the third slightly). Let’s enjoy the trip to London or Singapore for the arbitration proceedings, of course without the throwball players.

  6. arshat chaudhary on

    So were there any cat-fights tht you forgot to mention :-)

  7. Maverick on

    Hilarious! But I sure feel sorry for you..Man you did what the bravest wouldnot even think!

  8. ///slash\\\ on

    @arshad
    thanks for visiting – no there weren’t any cat fights and considering the fact that most of the women were either from my home or someone whom they knew very well, it would be prudent of me to leave such things unmentioned:-)). But, like I said you wont find me complaining.

    @Mav: Well “visibility” does have a large price.

  9. srikanth on

    Throwball is a game played across the net between two teams with 7 players on each side in the specified rectangle box. It is a popular game played among Asian countries and is slowly gaining popularity in other continents. The game is popularly played in schools, colleges, clubs, states of India, Srilanka, Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, Japan,China, Pakistan, Nepal, Bangladesh.It is slowly taken up by France, Australia, Brazil, England and other countries.

    RULES OF THROWBALL AS PER INTERNATIONAL THROWBALL FEDERATION

    1. EACH TEAM SHOULD CONSIST OF SEVEN (7) PLAYERS AT TIME OF PLAY. ANY MATCH PLAYED WITH MORE OR LESS THAN SEVEN PLAYERS SHALL BE UNOFFICIAL.

    2. THE TEAM SHALL CONSIST OF 7 ACTIVE PLAYERS AND 5 SUBSTITUTES.

    3. THE MATCH SHOULD BE PLAYED FOR BEST OF 3 SETS FOR 25 POINTS IN EACH SET WITH RALLY SCORE.

    4. ANY BALL TO BE RELEASED SHOULD BE RELEASED FROM ABOVE THE SHOULDER/SHOULDER-LINE ONLY.

    5. THE BALL HAS TO BE CAUGHT WITH BOTH THE HANDS AND RETURNED IN ONE HAND ONLY.

    6. SERVICE BALL SHOULD NOT TOUCH THE NET.

    7. DOUBLE TOUCH IS NOT ALLOWED FOR RECEIVING THE SERVICE BALL.

    8. THE BALL SHOULD BE SERVED AFTER THE WHISTLE & WITH IN 5 SCEONDS.

    9. SERVE THE BALL ONLY FROM THE SERVICE- -ZONE & WITHOUT CROSSING THE END LINE.

    10.ANY BALL FALLING ON THE BOX LINE OR IN THE DEAD ZONE IS A FOUL.

    11.ANY BALL AFTER CATCHING (DURING RALLY) SHOULD BE RELEASED WITH IN 3 SECONDS.

    12.DURING THE RALLY, BALL CAN TOUCH THE NET A PLAYER SHOULD HAVE CONTACT WITH THE GROUND AT TIME OF RECEIVING THE BALL, AND CAN JUMP AND RETURN THE BALL. ALSO A PLAYER CAN JUMP AND SERVE THE BALL

    13.BODY TOUCH- DURING CATCHING OR RELEASING THE BALL SHOULD NOT TOUCH ANY PART OF THE BODY EXCEPT THE PALM.

    14.DUBS- WHILE CATCHING, THE BALL SHOULD BE CAUGHT SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH BOTH THE HANDS WITHOUT ANY SOUND AND ANY MOVEMENT OF THE BALL IN THE HAND.

    15.TWO PLAYERS CANNOT CATCH THE BALL SIMULTANEOUSLY.

    16.ANY BALL (SERVICE/RALLY) FALLING ON THE SIDE-LINE OR THE END-LINE IS A GOOD BALL.

    17.THE PLAYERS SHOULD STAY IN 2-3-2 POSITION AT THE TIME OF SERVICE.

    18.SHIFTING THE BALL FROM RIGHT TO LEFT OR LEFT TO RIGHT IS NOT PERMITTED.

    19.PUSHING THE BALL DELIBERATELY IS NOT PERMITTED.

    20.THE SERVICE BALL OR THE RALLY BALL SHOULD NOT TOUCH THE ANTENA.

    21.FIVE-SUBSTITUTIONS ARE ALLOWED FOR EACH SET.

    22.TWO TIME-OUTS OF (30 SECONDS EACH) ARE PERMITTED FOR EACH SET.

    23.THE PLAYERS SHOULD WEAR PROPER UNIFORM (Shorts & Jersey), WITH NUMBERS PRINTED ON BOTH FRONT & BACK SIDES. NUMBERS FROM 1-12 SHOULD ONLY BE USED.

    24.THE COURT SHALL MEASURE 12.20 MTS X 18.30 MTS, WITH THE NEUTRAL BOX BEING 1.5O MTS ON EITHER SIDE FROM THE CENTRE. THE HEIGHT OF THE NET SHALL BE 2.20 MTS FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN.

    ]][1] Rules Book of International Throwball Federation, http://WWW.throwball.co.in

  10. theghostwhotalks on

    Dear Srikanth/-
    Please refrain from pasting wikipedia entries in the comment section. A link would usually do the trick. Its even more pathetic when the post itself, right at the very beginning, links to that very same page.


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