Archive for the ‘Time Pass’ Category

Whats in a name?

A few days back a friend of mine sent me a message that read “sowie”. We shall leave the person in question out of this narration for reasons I shall not go into. Anyways, it left me wondering what the hell it meant. So I did what any 21st century bachelor living in the emerging India with lots of time on his hands would do- I googled it (at work). The first hit was urbandictionary -at this point I must urge you to read on and reassure you that this recollection has nothing to do with my bachelorhood causing me to demonstrate my coochie-coos in public. As I educated myself with the various connotations and denotations of “sowie”, I noticed in the sidebar of the page, a list of other words that resembled “sowie”. One such word that caught my eye was “sowmya”. Intrigued on what urbandictionary will have in store for “sowmya” I clicked away. Apparently according to urbandictonary, sowmya is

sowmya
n. Tamil (south Indian) dialect
1. One hundred cats, usually the noising, singing variety.
2. Common proper name for a girl in that region.

Needless to say, the first definition got out of me a chuckle that scared the bejesus out of my colleagues, not to mention a raised eyebrow from my boss. Not contend with a light laugh, I decided to play “Curiosity Killed the Cat” and searched out “my name” . And with great vengeance and furious anger, I denounce urbandictionary for tarnishing, not just me, but all my brothers and sisters who share my plight. And can someone please tell me in which genius language does “my name” stand for

slang for the dirt underneath your testicles??

This is outrageous and I hope this post will have convinced a whole lot of you that there is this widespread hatred of those who share my plight. Join me, dear readers, in fighting this new societal evil.

P.S- To my friends- I have searched all your names and would wipe that grin off my face if I were you.

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aaahhhhhh

My company’s 20th year celebration took place a few weeks back. It was kind of like a big thing- 20years in the market competing with the likes of Hitachi, Ranbaxy, Wipro and Nicolas Piramal and now even Siemens- that is a big freaking deal. If you’re wondering where the loyalty springs from, well, when I say “my company” it really means “my company”- I work in my family owned business (OK so its not yet mine- so there).

Anyways, backtracking a few months, the idea was mooted by one of our enthusiastic managers, who felt that the 20th year anniversary had to be celebrated. It was then decided that this time around we would invite only our employees & their families and keep our customers & suppliers for the 25th(yes we will last that long and will be much bigger). However, things like these have a way of getting around international barriers of space, time and dialect, we suddenly found ourselves hosting three of our major suppliers- one from Germany, one from Spain and another from Japan.

This recollection is about the Japanese and before you continue, I must declare my undiluted admiration for that country and its people. The following is supposed to be taken in with a considerable amount of light-headedness. If you are one who is prone to taking anything and everything under the sun as a slight to your ego or have some kind of undying support of the Japanese people, please proceed no further for your own good as any outta-line comments will be blissfully ignored. Plus also please realize that the events have been exaggerated a bit to add humor.

So the D-day arrived and yours truly was in charge of coming up with a video presentation that took the audience through the various facets of the company over the last twenty years. Considering the fact that yours truly is just 27(and very-very eligible) he did a pretty good job. However without my knowledge, I had also “been volunteered” by the company’s staff for various responsibilities. As the various guests were arriving, I decided to stand with my Mother and Aunt in welcoming them and guiding them to their seats. Soon our foreign dignitaries started to arrive and then it happened.

The entrance hall has two entrances (don’t ask)- one from the front and another from the back to allow people to enter directly from the car park. Our Japanese suppliers were driven down by my uncle personally and were brought in from the back. As we turned around to greet them I was informed by my mother that one was Executive Director- Sales and Marketing for India (a very big deal) and the other was Managing director – Sales and Marketing for South East Asia (an even bigger freaking deal). As customary to most Japanese executives both of them, when they learned that I was the son of two of the directors (now you know why I’m so eligible), promptly pulled out their visiting cards. At this point I had an instant flashback. I remembered my interaction with one of our German Business Partners. He was telling me

When the Japanese give you hees business card, if you take eet and put eet in the poke-et, eet ees like insult to heem. You take eet and you reed eet like eet ees a big story and you go ‘aaahhhhhh’ and only then you keep eet een your poke-et

So I decided to get into character. As I was acting out the part, you know the whole hunched shoulders and bent neck routine, vigorously nodding my head as if it was on vibrate mode, my twelve year old cousin slipped in beside me.

As I was just about to launch into my ‘aaahhhhhh’, Mr. South East Asia goes, “Is this your son?”

So now I’m thinking an ‘aaahhhhhh’ right now could be pretty misleading. So I politely correct him and convey that I had not got myself knotted just yet.

When he quickly turns towards my mother and with total confidence asks, “So this is your wife?”

I swear privately to myself “No you moron that’s my mother- she is my father’s wife”.

I politely correct him again saying that I was not married yet and he was really giving my family cause for severe heartburn. You see, at this point any reasonable man would realize that he was really making a buffoon of himself and actually wait to exchange the pleasantries while the whole family tree was being spelled out for him. But reasonable men don’t end up becoming Managing Directors for South East Asia of Fortune 500 companies. Reasonable men don’t manage accounts whose target involve 10-digit figures. Men like him, who rise up to that level and en route to becoming CEO, don’t question their conclusions. They just go with their instinct. They are so sure of themselves that they just go on and on without pausing to consider, “Can I be wrong here?” They are supremely unselfconscious, to the extent that they are not the least bit aware of their own failings. So there was no way our friend here was going to take the hint. He rambled on swiveling towards my aunt

“So this must be your wife”

By now I must have got this beaten down, lost in translation look about myself, that my uncle stepped in and loudly said “NO THATS NOT HIS WIFE. SHE IS MY WIFE. HE (pause) IS NOT MARRIED”. He sort of even mimed the whole sentence not leaving anything to chance. And just like that, our man of the moment goes ‘aaahhhhhh’ and nonchalantly walks into the hall.

My Dirty Seven

Ok First Post in this Blog!!!
Few may wonder why I would bother to set up another one, considering that I update my other two with a frequency that’s, well, not very frequent. My answer, the other two blogs aren’t personal – in the sense they are not about me literally – just things I find interesting. So when D-Pak decided to tag me, I said to my self “Screw it!!! One more wouldn’t hurt!!!”

The seven!!!!

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

  1. Develop a Video Game
  2. Write a novel
  3. Write or/and Direct a movie
  4. Mentor someone
  5. Coach a team at any level (cricket/soccer).
  6. Climb Mt. Everest, K2 or at least St. Thomas one
  7. Drive a ferrari on Mount Rd(death wish)

Seven things that I can do:

  1. Drive a car in Chennai without honking
  2. Listen patiently to people
  3. Stay calm and clear during a crisis
  4. Infect people (not that way silly- emotionally)
  5. Accept people for who they are
  6. Lead and motivate
  7. Work endlessly

Seven things I cant do

  1. Stop EATING
  2. Listen to bullshit orders
  3. Stop playing on/yelling at my computer
  4. Pay attention in a class
  5. Stop drinking coffee
  6. Be organized
  7. Get seven new people to take this quiz

Seven things that attracts me to the opposite sex:

  1. Sofistication
  2. Intelligence
  3. Competetiveness
  4. Mischievous
  5. Adventorous
  6. Prepared to rough it out
  7. Possessive

Seven things I say the most:

  1. Wow!!Thanks a lot genius!! (and not in a nice way)
  2. Idiots!! (at the Indian Team and lately the Aussies)
  3. So what have you been upto???
  4. No idea
  5. Avannaa??? Avan oru loosu.(or Krackuu)
  6. Where’s my coffee???
  7. Vaangaa Sar!! Vaanga!!! (only to friends)

Seven celebrities I want to meet:

  1. Mahatma Gandhi (Heaven ain’t far from Hell)
  2. Steve Waugh
  3. John Carmack
  4. Martin Scorsese
  5. Bill Clinton
  6. Maniratnam
  7. Josie Maran (yea baby!!!)

Of frogs and floods.

The recent downpour in Maharashtra and Gujarat is considered the largest amount of rainfall ever in Indian history, and that’s saying something considering Chirapunjee is part of our political map. But where did all this rain come from??? What were all the meteorologists and weather reporters doing??? Well, I have an angle. Just yesterday, I was musing with my friend in his terrace and he was telling me that a few days earlier, the news channel covered a story in Gujarat, where the local folks had decided to take the matters on lack of rain into their own hands. They knew that planting trees, building irrigation and starting water renewal facilities were all long term plans. They wanted immediate results. So they fell back on the time tested method of marrying two frogs!!! No that wasn’t a typo. So you think this is funny eh??? I’m sure the guys from Mumbai and Pune don’t find it amusing to say the least. What other explanation can there be for such torrential rainfall other than a scientific experiment gone wrong??? The marriage of the two frogs actually caused something of a tipping point in the social behavior of frogs. Soon all frogs started getting married on their own. There were event planners, legal counsel and even bands for the ceremonies. Now as far as the gujjus were concerned, they asked for rain quota corresponding to just one holy alliance of a frog and froggy. But what sparked of later was a marriage spree and hence these floods. I’m only hoping that the local Chennai frogs don’t catch a glimpse of this story from news services and follow suit. Chennai needs water, but my guess is between no rain and the floods, we’d choose no rain -we are used to it you see.

Web Activity

Well it’s been quite sometime since my last entry. I won’t bluff that I’ve been busy lately but I have been working on three articles and consequently had a lot to write about and am almost done with them. However before I post them (I’m hoping that takes place in a few days), I decided to take a small detour to focus on my website –which lately has become one of my obsessions. To monitor activity on my WebPages, I signed up for a counter that would track where people were coming from, how they landed up there and what they were up to. Two interesting features of this counter were the ‘Came From’ feature and the ‘Keyword Analysis’ feature, which told me how these people landed up here. For instance, if you clicked on the link in this page it would show up on my counter as visitor number ‘xyz’ came to my page by clicking the link on this post. Of late, I found a lot of traffic coming into a page I call ‘Arranged Marriage’. In fact, after 3 months of monitoring, it’s the most popular page on my website. The page consists of a humorous article I once received on my mail and thought it would be fun to post it on my site, since the rest of the site was full of academic and career oriented matter. But what was really interesting were the keywords that were Googled . Here is a list (not nearly comprehensive) of the searches done on google that resulted in people landing up on my ‘Arranged Marriage’ page.

 

  • arranged marriage in usa – Virginia (USA), Canada,
  • disadvantages of arranged marriages- Virginia (USA), Peterborough (UK), France
  • pros and cons of arranged marriages- Illinois(USA), WinnipegCanada) (
  • arranged marriages advantages – Vancouver (Canada),
  • arranged marriages can be successful – Watford (UK),
  • bad arranged marriage – Wisconsin (USA)
  • beautiful women shapely legs – Ontario (Canada)
  • selecting wife – Alaska (USA)
  • arranged marriage indian men- Texas (USA),
  • arranged marriage tips – India,
  • choice of spouse in arranged marriages by choosing beauty – Cairo (Egypt)
  • arranged marriage green card – Tehran (Iran)
  • indian girl making love in saree – Wisconsin (USA)
  • against arranged marriages – UK
  • indian girl removing saree images – Bangalore (India)
  • indian horniness – Melbourne (Australia)
  • describing girl’s beauty in phrases – Mumbai (India)
  • good looking girls in asu?- Phoenix (USA)
  • arranged marriage sister- Dulles (USA)
  • search for the pictures of salwar kameez, churidar- India
  • draping saree different states- Mumbai (India)
  • salwar removed bed – Abu Dhabi (UAE)
  • choosing a prospective spouse indian – Bryantown (USA)

 

While a few entries bordered on a search for pornographic content, and trust me I ain’t judging nobody here – just amused, and a few for legal guidance, the rest were pretty straight forward (tips, pros and cons etc). It’s interesting to note that there is a whole bunch of people surfing around trying figure out stuff about marriages, life partners and so forth, again no judging – just amused that they landed up on my page. While I loaded this page on my website to act as a source of humor along with another article on women, I had no intention of it being treated as a Bible for mate choosing. But as a wise old man said (don’t ask me which one, there are one too many of those- there should be a rule against them), we can only control our responses to life and not what happens to us, I shall end this article by saying Happy Hunting.